The Meaning of It All

© 2016 (all rights reserved)

An article from the February 2017 issue of THE STAR BEACON.

Ursula, the Psychic

        About 40 years ago, when I was in my mid-20s, a major shift occurred in my life which led me where I am today. Recently I was typing up some old journal entries in preparing for more memoir writings. During the early '70s, I was a newlywed university student struggling with life. Because we were poor students, paying our own way through college, survival mode was the theme of those years. Add to that the arrival in 1976 of our first baby.
        It was a big step when, in June 1978, we left the Midwest and moved to Colorado. My husband Jeff got hired by the White River National Forest in Aspen. I was lucky enough to get hired full time by the local newspaper, and in just a few months we were able to purchase a mobile home downvalley.
        That first year in Colorado was challenging because Ryan, who attended a day care while we worked, was sick with one thing or another most of the time. We struggled to make ends meet, and hoped that our 1972 Chevy Vega would last a bit longer.
        About the middle of 1979, I noticed a change in my journals. I recorded a lot of my dreams that had left impressions on me. Also, working in Aspen, I was exposed to a lot of new ideas and philosophies, and one of the women working in the typesetting department at the Times was a vegetarian by the name of Carol.
        This young woman inspired the office manager and me to go see an iridologist in Aspen named Elaine. Even though my husband scoffed at the idea of somebody giving you health advice after studying your eyes, I was amazed at what Elaine told me as it made a lot of sense.
        I decided to follow her advice, which was the beginning of my interest in herbs and alternative healing, as well as yoga and eventually esoteric subjects such as psychic readings by mediums. Of course, my husband rejected all of this, but I continued nonetheless in my search for something that seemed incomplete in my mundane life.
        On June 29, 1979 I had my first psychic reading by a German lady who lived in our trailer community whose first name was Ursula. Our best friends actually lived next door to her, and Ursula's 14-year-old son, Hans, baby-sat for Ryan when Jeff and I wanted a night out. I hadn't known that she was a psychic until somebody had work told me about her.
        I had a couple of readings that summer which was the beginning of my enlightenment. The things that she told me about people in my life I found very interesting. At the time, some of it did not make much sense to me, but a decade later -- in the years that followed my divorce from Jeff -- the things Ursula said were uncanny.
        About my husband, she said there was a hidden inferiority within him that made him think he was not a competent father. Ursula said she could see Ryan and his father having difficulties around when Ryan was 15, because Ryan was more flexible than his father, and there would be a great deal of tension. Ryan, she said, was very serious. "He loves jokes, but he's the serious type."
    There were, of course, things Ursula got wrong. She told me Ryan would marry and have two daughters. Well, instead, he and Trish have one child, my grandson Vorian, and they are through having kids.
Jeff’s and my marriage, she said, would last quite a while -- which it did -- but I would not be married to him for life. This came as a surprise to me at the time. Also, she said we would have another child … a girl. Ursula told me that my daughter would be blond and have light skin. She kept mentioning "pallor," that if the girl looked pale, she would need some attention on my part because she was the type of girl that would never ask for attention like Ryan does. She would be a convenient child, but having needs that should be given to her. "Emphasize fun," Ursula told me.
        In subsequent readings with this woman, she kept bringing up the daughter, sometimes describing her in great detail. When I became pregnant that year, I just knew it was going to be a girl. Unfortunately, when we returned from a trip to Wisconsin in November, I suffered a miscarriage and lost the baby. I then got pregnant a few months later, and the result was our son, Marty.
        Now the interesting thing about this is that Marty was very blond as a baby and had very light skin. He was also a sensitive child emotionally, though a very good child as was his brother Ryan.
        I had decided not to try for another baby, although I still longed for a daughter. So when I found myself pregnant in early 1984, my first thought was "Ah-ha, she's on her way!" Wrong again … Scotty arrived in November 1985, and he's a treasure.
        Returning to the subject of my marriage, Ursula said it "could get shaky when the (daughter) is over her babyhood, like maybe when she is 5 or 6." Well, when Marty was 9, Jeff and I got divorced.
        In a reading after my second child was born in November 1980, Ursula told me Marty's spirit had insisted on coming through, that it was imperative that he be born at the time he came in. I've always found that fascinating, and I have always regarded Marty as a spiritual and very strong, loving soul.
        I had many more questions to ask Ursula, but we ran out of time. However, I did go back for another reading with her on August 24, 1979.
        In that very extensive reading (two and a half hours long), I took really good notes, but I will skip over most of the family stuff she gave me and relate some interesting points that she made.
        Ursula talked a lot about Ryan in the future. Ryan, she said, was quite humorous. (True.) He is a little more conservative than I would believe, however, perhaps slightly reserved where personal contacts would arise. "He likes parties," she said, "but if a girl should take him aside and try to get intimate, he'd become more reserved." Then she added, "Ryan wants somebody to tease, and the 'sister' that Ryan someday gets will probably be the object of his teasing. Ryan, though serious, will try to teach his kids humor, not to take life too seriously." I see this today in his interaction with Vorian, who is 8.
        At age 14, Ursula saw Ryan's spirit saying, "What I like about my mother is she doesn't bother me." But he was reluctant to even talk about his father, not feeling free to do this. "He knows his sister very well." (Again, I think it's true that Marty took the "sister's" place!)
        "When Ryan is 10," she said, "he will be very popular in school. He has that type of charisma which attracts people to him." (Very true!) As a teen-ager, he would be very balanced, not at all screwed-up. Then she said, "Ryan's spirit says: 'I have the will to live and my father has the will to die,' meaning that Ryan looks positively at things while his dad tends to look negatively." (Hmmm.)
        Ursula emphasized that Ryan was interested in art and that he would make an excellent art teacher. Those vibrations were within him. It did turn out that Ryan would get two college degrees in art (one a master's) as well as Theater Arts, but he did not follow through to become a teacher.
        "The daughter will be a more conscientious woman. She likes to create order," said Ursula. "At 20 she claims she can't live without order around her. She's healthy. While Ryan is more good-natured, the daughter is more hot-headed in wanting order." This makes me laugh, because Marty (again replacing the "sister") in his childhood loved to rearrange furniture and have things in order. Also, he is somewhat of a "health nut" (like his mother).
        We spent most of that reading on the tragic passing of a neighbor girl from by childhood, whose death was a mystery as she had been found dead near El Paso, beside some railroad tracks, and the police guessed she had been killed falling, possibly off a train, while hitching a ride. It is such an intriguing story, given from Ursula’s perspective, that I don't have room for it in this column … perhaps at a future date, if there is interest.
        I did ask about my soul mate, as most people wonder about theirs. As far as searching for my soul mate goes, she said I could rest assured that he was in spirit form right then, "not walking around on Earth," and that I could stop looking for him and start facing reality. "Don't expect strangers to understand you," she told me. "Nobody needs to be understood to live a happy life."
        She ended by giving me quite a lecture on how I should view life now and how I should view Jeff as the father of my children and be thankful for that.
        My writing career, she told me, would be slow for a while, but there definitely was a feeling that I was a writer, and that at around age 40, I would become very successful. (I can't say much about the success part, but it is true that around that age, I had and was publishing my books and had started The Star Beacon a few years prior to that.)
        "By then," she said, "your life will be different from what it is now. You will marry a very good friend, who is open-minded, and very much in favor of your artistic abilities, who will want to do a lot of traveling with you."
        That statement gave me comfort at the time, and actually turned out not only to be true in every aspect, but became the climax of my life experience, when I met my late husband, Ethan Miller, in 1989, who was everything she told me … and more.
        In fact, because he had told me once about a near-death experience he'd had in the '80s, I am wondering if he could be that soul mate she mentioned, who wasn't walking on Earth at the time of the 1979 reading. If he had "walked in" after that NDE, it's possible he was and is.
        I must have gone to Ursula at least half a dozen times during that period that we lived in El Jebel. She was accurate, but not infallible, as is true with most psychics. Her influence on my life was dramatic in that it wasn't long afterwards that I became involved in the UFO realm of spirituality, most of which is recorded in Throughout All Time, my spiritual memoir.
        I do not know if Ursula is still alive as she never responded to my last letter a few years ago. But I will never forget her or the part she played in my spiritual growth. She even influenced the character, Sister Laurus, in my novel, Sonata Summer, which is set in Aspen
during the time I lived there

       Ann Ulrich Miller, publisher of The Star Beacon and Wisp, writes novels in various genres. Visit her Author page at






This page updated January 29, 2017


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