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from the May 2004 Star Beacon

by Ann Ulrich Miller

     Life is full of surprises. Whenever you think you’ve got it figured out, you get the old cosmic 2x4 thrown at you. If there is one thing that remains constant, it is change — you can count on it happening.
Oh sure, you can resist change as much as you like, but it will always prevail. If you continue to fight it, it will still win out in the end.

     We have many expectations in life. Certain expectations are ones we take for granted, such as knowing the sun will come up tomorrow morning, or taking that next breath of air we never think about. We can expect spring to follow winter, and Friday to signal the coming of the weekend. These are expectations we can trust and feel comfortable with.

     But reality is full of twists and turns in the path of life. We often wonder why there has to be so much of the unexpected? Why can’t we just live peaceful, content lives, comfortable in our own routine, undisturbed by others? Why does the pendulum swing far to the left, then far to the right? It seems one problem gets solved and right away the next one appears.

     The most unhappy times I’ve experienced have been when I’ve had high hopes, or expectations, in my life that did not pan out. I’m not talking about plans or goals. In fact, having plans and goals are an important part of life’s progress. Without goals we get stuck in the same old, same old. Goals can uplift us, motivate us, get us moving on the path of improving our lives, or at least at keeping us from being bored. You’d be surprised how helpful it is to list your goals from time to time, and to check on those goals you had a year ago, and how your goals have changed.

     When we expect people to act or behave a certain way, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. For example, I know a lot of people who desire to find their soul mate or divine counterpart. Many have had numerous relationships but truly want to find that One Person who is their perfect complement. But their expectations may prevent them from recognizing that person when he/she does show up in their life. They might expect him/her to look a certain way, talk a certain way, be engaged in a certain profession, or have beliefs that exactly match their own. This is being unrealistic and, in fact, may even push that chance of a lifetime away from them forever.

     I remember when I was very young, I wanted to have a space person for a friend. I have always wanted to meet someone from another planet. This desire probably stemmed from my deep feeling as a child that I originated from outside our world myself. Now I can see that that feeling came from my soul roots, not necessarily being an ET myself (physically). I have accepted the fact that I am human and that my parents were my parents. But I have embraced the idea of being a Star Person, a light worker, and I have met a number of people in my life who claim to be ET.

     I met my soul mate in 1989. He was not what I expected, and I had, more or less, quit looking at that point. I was 37 years old and had three children, the youngest who was three years old. When I realized this man was my divine counterpart, I was astonished, because he was not what I would have expected. He was much older than I, his background and education were entirely different, and I at first tried to discard the idea of changing my lifestyle to be with him. In fact, it was time for an early mid-life crisis, because suddenly I wanted more than anything in this Universe to be with my soul mate, yet it tore at my heart to break up my family. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. And the decision did not come easily or without consequences.

     I once had the experience of manifesting a dream business — my own weekly newspaper that covered a vast area in southern Colorado. I planned and created something that could have been truly great and might have brought me quite comfortably into retirement one day. However, my expectations were set too high. Too late I discovered that I had blown the majority of my capital investment on wasteful pursuits, just because I had visualized the business performing at its optimum too soon. There were several factors that could have saved the business and helped it blossom, had I only kept my expectations low, and started out small.

     But it was still a lesson learned, in more ways than one. I was greatly humbled because of this.

     We sometimes expect our children to be a certain way. As young parents we dream about what our children will one day be, and we hope to help shape them into such. However, they are souls unique to themselves; they do not belong to us, we have only been given the privilege of bringing them into this world and guiding them. They have a path of their own to follow, a destiny beyond ours.

     Having expectations for others will only lead us to disappointment in ourselves. Allowing others to be who they are, and giving them permission to follow their paths, is the most loving thing we can do, not only for them, but for ourselves as well. My boys have each had many stumbling blocks already in their young lives. I’ve played the role of the anguished parent, sometimes reaching out and extending more than was necessary to help them, which possibly might have slowed their progress as well as my own. I had to learn the difference between bailing them out and expressing compassion and moral support.

     Hopefully I have learned my lesson now that my youngest son is an adult and on his way to exploring the many wonderful twists and turns in life that we all face. I am proud of each of them, no matter what path they have chosen. I know it is right for them.

     The ET I met several years later was not what I expected either. I guess I had this idea that ETs were perfect beings, “God like,” and would have no faults. Wrong! They are just people, like the rest of us. They have as many problems as we do. The supply of cosmic 2x4s is stacked there for them as much as it is for us. My ET friend is what many people would label “dysfunctional.” I believe this is her safety mask, put on her in order to protect her.

     It wasn’t until I looked beyond the “packaging” (her appearance and her speech and her behavior patterns) and saw the real being underneath that it dawned on me that my expectations were getting in the way of recognizing her authenticity. She gets upset because a lot of people question her and don’t believe her story. But I now know this “dysfunctionality” was placed there on purpose, from the beginning, in order to protect her from harm and through which, one day, she would emerge as the great teacher and friend that she is today.

     The lesson is simple: If you don’t want to be disappointed, don’t have expectations. Be open to all things that come into your life. Be discerning, but nonjudgmental. Allow with Love.

    Ann Ulrich Miller is publisher of The Star Beacon.

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