I know, you are saying to yourself, "How can there be any value in being in debt?" This woman has completely lost her mind! Well, I would have agreed with you until just recently.
What changed my mind was an event that caused me to take a look at my issues around financial debt. What happened was our old, dependable and slightly temperamental Bertie (20-year-old Mercedes) began having problems with her front end. When we bought her at the beginning of the year, we had done so with the intention of purchasing her exclusively for the move to Kansas City and then selling her when we got there. Due to the fact that we were moving three cats, two of which had never been on a car trip, for four days in car, we felt it best to purchase something old but dependable. The last thing we wanted was a new car filled with the smell from carsick cats. So, we decided to save our cash and buy an older car from a longtime friend who dealt in older diesel Mercedes. This turned out to be a good decision and many times we have thanked Spirit for guiding us in this direction.
When we arrived in KC, we were debt-free along with the cash from the sale of Jonathan’s furniture and sports car. I had sold my furniture and car three years before, when I moved to California to live with my then-new husband. But, as usual for me, we didn’t stay that way very long. A six-month slump in our business, coupled with a premature need to buy a houseful of furniture (we had a six-month agreement to rent a friend’s furnished house which turned out to be only two months), wiped out our savings and put us several thousand dollars in the hole.
We had just recently recovered from both situations and began getting everything paid off when Bertie began acting up. When Jonathan came in from a trip to the grocery store and informed me of our latest good news, I felt like the world was falling in around me. I couldn’t believe that we were now faced with having to go further into debt just to have a car to drive. So we vacillated between spending more money on Bertie or taking the plunge for another car. Each time we would decide to just fix Bertie and hold onto our cash, something else would stop working. To me, these were clear signs that trying to avoid my fear of financial debt was not going to be successful. One way or another, I was going to have to face this fear and hopefully integrate it, and Bertie was there to help me do it.
I felt very angry that all my attempts to stay out of debt kept meeting with failure time after time. I had no problem getting out of debt, but I have a fear of having a problem getting out of debt. I’ve always been good at manifesting money; it was staying out of debt that seemed to be my hurdle. I don’t think I’ve ever been debt-free for more than six months at any one time. This comes from an invisible limit I seem to have where I make good money for six-to-nine months and then crash and burn, causing me to lose all that I have gained. Sometimes the crash comes near the end of a money-making run, when I decide to invest in some item or take a business to the next step. I will discuss this further in my next article "Facing the Fear of Financial Success."
After a few days of feeling anger and frustration, I decided to seek help from my guides. I asked them to show me what it was I wanted to learn from being in debt. After all, there must be something that I, as a creator goddess, wanted to learn from financial debt or I wouldn’t keep drawing it to me, right?
The next morning, as I was riding my exercise bike, the answers came to me and they were truly astounding. It wasn’t just one fear, there were several fears all wrapped up in one, with some of the fears being emotional and one physical.
Note: As I explore this process of discovery with you, I do so with the hope that it might help you identify and clear the same fears within yourself, if indeed they are there.
Step 1. Discovering the fear.
I discovered the fear by drawing the Bertie situation into my life. As always, when it is time to work on a lesson and the fear involved, we draw into our lives a situation whereby we are forced to stare into the face of that fear. Another way of saying it is that the situation triggers that fear within us. If we will only get still and feel our feelings regarding the situation, the fear will emerge.
Step 2. Discover what the fear is related to.
My next step in this process was to find out what this fear of financial debt is tied to. In other words, what did I fear losing as a result of the debt? I realized that I was afraid that if I did not fulfill my end of the financial contract, I would suffer:
Step 3. Discover what belief has caused me to tie the loss of these items to this fear.
This step was fairly easy for me to figure out. Growing up, my father had drilled into me that "Your credit rating is all you have to show your trustworthiness, integrity and honor as a person, so keep it squeaky clean." Based on society’s rules, he was right. Society determines your worth by your credit rating. My father did not believe that your value was based on a spiritual principle because of his religious upbringing (he was raised Catholic). My father was taught that we are born in sin and therefore must spend the rest of our lives making up for that. To think that we were equal to God was blasphemous. So if you are not equal to God, then there is no other basis for establishing self-worth than the one society gives you, right? Wrong!
Through my research and work with higher dimensional beings, I learned another truth. I learned that as a creation of God/Goddess/All That Is/Prime Creator, we, as souls, are worthy just by the fact that we exist.
Going further, if we are souls having a physical experience and playing roles to learn and grow, then all that we do has value as part of our learning process. So choices made during an incarnation to learn lessons and obtain spiritual growth in no way changes our inherent value.
Now, of course, society does not take into consideration that the loss of your health or job resulting in you not being able to honor your financial obligations could be part of a lesson that you as a creator god/goddess/soul set up for your spiritual growth. And they are not supposed to. Remember this is Earth School and the systems here were meant to be unbalanced. We learn by balancing systems that are unbalanced, not the other way around.
So here I was saying that the learning process of financial debt was an exception to this higher truth. I was saying that I was valuable, honorable and worthy except when I couldn’t fulfill financial obligations. When that happens, I no longer have the right to exist. No wonder I kept drawing this fear to me! I was trying to work my way out of this belief system.
So I had bought into this belief and therefore harbored the fear of that belief within my subconscious. And since I had decided before I incarnated that I wanted to integrate this fear and release myself from this belief, I kept manifesting the circumstances of that fear in my life. Wow! As the energy of this revelation swept through my body like waves, I felt I had discovered something very powerful and life changing.
Step 4: What do I need to do to release this fear?
To release this fear, I had to shift my belief around what creates my self-worth from the physical truth taught me as a child to the spiritual truth I learned as an adult. I needed to remember that spiritual growth is the primary reason that we incarnate in the first place and, therefore, my value as a human being was determined by the fact that I am a Soul, a spark of God, and it is the only thing that determines my value.
Next, I asked my Soul what else I needed to look at in facing this fear. What other values were there to being in debt? Was there anything else I feared losing? Yes, there was.
Hold onto nothing and you’ll have everything.
This concept is one of the Keys of Compassion and one that I have struggled with in many ways. As I delved deeper into my feelings about this issue, I realized that I was unable to "hold onto nothing" while at the same time desiring something I had gone into debt to acquire. Whether it was a house, a car, or a new business venture, through this process of self-discovery, I realized that each time I unconsciously tied my self-worth to these acquisitions. In other words, if I lost them, my self-worth would be lost along with them. This would again trigger the belief that I in some way was not good enough or smart enough or worthy enough to keep the thing that I desired - another blow to my self-esteem. So when this fear is in place, I cannot help but draw it to me, hence I lose the things that I risk going into debt to acquire.
As I mentally reviewed my past financial history, I realize that I have lost cars, homes, businesses and other items to this fear with each time resulting in a staggering blow to my self-esteem.
So how do I resolve this aspect of my financial debt fear?
For me the solution was to embrace the higher perspective around the possible loss of the item instead of the 3D perspective. In other words, when I choose to go into debt to acquire something, I need to do it with the understanding that if I lose it for whatever reason, it has nothing to do with my self-worth and everything to do with my growth process. In other words, I chose to lose the item so that I, as a creator goddess, could experience using my power in that manner. I could learn what it feels like to manifest it and then lose it. It’s the same principle of creating a building out of Legos and then destroying it. There is almost as much fun in destroying it as in creating it. As creator gods/goddesses we are here to learn how each expression of our power feels. So with that understanding, I can enter into financial debt knowing that it is just another way that I am experiencing my creative power and that whatever happens as a result is okay. Why? Because spiritual growth is the primary reason that I incarnated here in the first place and that growth will come from the creation and destruction/loss of my desires.
Money and love are the most cherished, most valued and, therefore, most powerful energies on the planet. They are also the two energies upon which the majority of our spiritual lessons are based. Money is physical power through which we learn to manifest our desires and love is its emotional counterpart. As creator gods/goddesses we are learning how to use these powers in a balanced and harmonious manner. Through facing my fear of financial debt I was able to see where I had forgotten that I was a creator goddess and that I will always create and destroy my desires as part of my spiritual growth.
As my process of self-discovery drew to a close that morning, I was filled with relief. I went out that day to look at new cars, armed with my new understanding that whatever transpired, I was co-creating it and my self-esteem would be safe. Thank goodness for the higher perspective!
This was interesting. As I broke it down, I realized that my fear was not about debt itself but the consequences of the debt. In other words, I didn’t fear the actual debt because I trust in the fact that I can always make money. What I feared were the consequences of not repaying the debt, due to some circumstance beyond my control which would result in the loss of my honor, reputation and self-esteem as a human being, etc.