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The Meaning of It All

from the February 2010 Star Beacon

by Ann Ulrich Miller

Loving in the Moment
        My favorite topic is love, in all its forms. Who doesn’t love love? It is the force that propagates the species, makes the world go around, and brings unity to hearts and souls everywhere.
       Most lightworkers are very loving folks. Their heart chakras are wide open and they just love hugging each other when they get together. Because of their light, they attract people to them, and the love spreads.
       In the past several months I have been writing articles on “relationship transition” (mostly about grieving) through the Denver Examiner, an on-line publication with a diversity of topics. I also opened a blog at Word Press in which I cover a related topic. Since this is Valentines month and traditionally I like to focus on love with the February issue, I thought I’d share with you some insights on the love topic.
       As most of you know, I lost my husband in September 2008 and have been recovering from grief in the last 17 months. There have also been a lot of positive changes in the last nine months, particularly my move back to Colorado and to Pagosa Springs, which is where I felt I had to be.
       A lot of people who have experienced Pagosa Springs have told me that because of the strong energies here, people who spend any length of time in this area find that they need to look at their issues, and in particular relationship issues. I’ve heard stories about people getting divorced, or people who decide to leave Pagosa Springs because they don’t like it here... or can’t make a living here... but I wonder if it actually has something to do with avoiding their issues and coming face to face with the conflicts they need to resolve in their personal lives.
       In the past few months, a lot of lightworker friends have moved here, and more are on the way. It has been delightful to meet all these new people.
       This month I want to share some of my blog entries about relationships and love. In mid October, I wrote a blog called “I’m not ready for another relationship,” and it reflects what my feelings were at that time:

       I made a promise to my late husband before he made his transition that I would not sleep with another man until a year had passed. I remember how indignant I felt when he told me this. At the time I didn’t want to talk about it. What a thing to say!
       The year has come and gone. He really had nothing to worry about because I had absolutely no interest in anyone in all that time… and I am still feeling the same way.
       Does this mean that something is wrong with me? Have I lost my desire for men in general? Will I ever have a relationship again? Oh, perhaps the day will come when I’ll change my mind and be ready for someone to come into my life. It is kind of nice to have someone special to talk to about every little thing in your day. And it can be nice to cuddle up to a warm body at night, that’s true.
       However, I’m content for the moment. I think it’s important that we are comfortable with ourselves before we try to make ourselves comfortable with a partner.

       Then, toward the end of November, my attitude began to shift. I titled my next blog, “Turning the Corner,” excerpted here:

       I made a symbolic gesture yesterday, which was Thanksgiving Day. I removed my wedding ring from my left hand and placed it on my right hand. Something told me it was time to turn the corner… to let go of the way I’ve been clinging to my old life… and start taking steps forward… a few baby steps, at least.
       For some reason the ring finger on my right hand is not the anchor it is on my left hand. My heart-shaped ruby stone wants to swing around underneath to my palm, which is annoying.
       Why is it that we are so reluctant to change? The messages I’m getting are that my late husband wants me to move on in my life and to be happy. I’m still not sure I want to be with someone else… he would have to be a very special person, that is for sure.
       The interesting thing is, I’ve turned the corner. I feel different somehow just by taking that ring and placing it on the other hand. It has somehow given my psyche permission to be single again… or maybe a better way of expressing it is… to be free again… to move in the direction that allows me to fulfill my destiny and do what I came here to do in the first place.
       I just want to be free to be me… to experience whatever life has to offer me from this point on. It’s great to be by yourself and really get to know yourself after you’ve been half of a couple for most of your life.
And once you turn the corner, and see what’s ahead… life becomes exciting.

       Wearing the ring on my right hand did not work for me, so it was only a day or so when I removed it completely and stored it away in my jewelry box.
       What was actually happening at that time was that I had just met the new man in my life and new feelings were stirring me back to life.
       Actually, that is putting it mildly. I became so distracted because of this man that I found it hard to concentrate on anything else.
       About a week or so after Thanksgiving, some lightworker friends invited me to their home for dinner on Full Moon, and we participated in a casual drumming and prayer stick ceremony. Here is an excerpt from that blog, titled “The Prayer Stick Ceremony”:

       Two weeks ago a shift occurred. Right after Thanksgiving I discovered that something wonderful had come into my life… a new man, a new love… and I am so distracted, I am having trouble focusing on my work, completing projects, shopping for Christmas gifts… it is the most remarkable thing that has ever happened to me.
       Just before Thanksgiving, I met the man of my dreams, quite by coincidence, at the mailboxes at the end of our street. We had a conversation that made me think I had known him already a long time.
       Then a couple of days later, we met there again. It got to be so that every time I took my afternoon walk to the mailboxes, I’d see him.
       On December first, I was invited to the home of some friends who were into Native American rituals and drumming. It was Full Moon and they wanted to do a “prayer stick ceremony.” Each of us took a piece of firewood and with a black marker we wrote on one side of the wood the things we wanted to let go of. On the other side we wrote the things that we wanted to manifest in our lives.
       After some careful thought, I decided to write “grieving and sadness” on the end of my prayer stick that contained those things I wanted to release. And on the other side I wrote, “The beginning of a beautiful relationship.” Next, we each took turns tossing our sticks into the wood fire and watching them go up in smoke. Then the drumming began… it was magical…
       Within days the new relationship began. It happened so fast, so spontaneously… and synchronicities popped in, which are always a sign of confirmation to me. I really got the feeling that it was destiny that brought us together at this time. He calls it “karma.” To me it’s a shift in my life.
       Now is the time to move on, to reap the rewards from all those years of learning what it means to truly love.

       As I reflect on these writings, I’m reminded of the “other side” of love... the challenges and obstacles we face in a new relationship. I’m talking about the little misunderstandings, the clashes in opinion and the unexpected hurdles that can plunge you into worries and fear. There’s no avoiding it — they appear in every relationship, no matter how perfect you think it is.
       The important thing here is to Love in the Moment. Dwelling on the past (his or my own) is not the wise thing to do. Your relationship has nothing to do with what you experienced before or what he had in the past. And as for the future... there’s no use thinking about it because it’s not here yet — nor will it ever be.
       All you have is the present, so you might as well live it, enjoy it to the fullest, and be grateful you have what you have. Once you step outside of the Moment, all sorts of negative vibrations can overwhelm you... and for what purpose?
       If you truly love someone, you will find that it is a pleasure to give more than to receive. I have found this true in my new relationship. It seems that in past relationships I concentrated more on what my needs were… and how to satisfy those.
       But now I’m finding that my greatest satisfaction comes from giving without conditions, and allowing the spontaneity of the moment.
       Our joy has been in finding little ways to please each other. There are no expectations on either part, and we are loving in the moment. It is the only way TO BE.

You can view my articles on Relationship Transition at the Denver Examiner, Do a search on site for Ann Ulrich Miller.

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