For almost 17 years I’ve been plagued with
the idea that I’m an alien. Now, I’m a pretty reasonable human being. I know
that to go around saying that can get me into trouble socially, that most
people will misunderstand what it means and think I’m mad. That hurts my
feelings. I’m a cool person, I’m intelligent and sane; I just want to be fully
accepted and not have to edit parts of myself in order to fit in. Don’t you?
If you are a starseed or a walk-in, like me, aren’t you tired of having to
hide what you really know about yourself and of living in fear that people
will reject you for your truth? I’ve
only recently understood that I’ve been terrified of this; that I have never
really seated into my body as a result of it. Sounds strange, but since we are
souls having a physical experience, my alien soul simply refused to completely
land into this physical body! It’s as if to fully land or take my body would
be admitting defeat of some kind, or worse, stepping into a trap!
After many dreams of being chased and terror
of being caught, it dawned on me that what this showed was that one of my
deepest fears has been to live in this body and this reality. For years I have
been wandering around, feeling alienated, alone, confused about who I am and
longing for something I can’t quite put my finger on. I’ve explored several
spiritual paths, they’ve carried me for a while, but soon I began to yearn
again in that incomprehensible way. Something else needed to be addressed,
something deep, something primal. Ah yes, the perpetual “Who am I?” How was I
going to answer that, fully, without embracing my galactic origin? Well, it
would have to wait. I put that knowledge aside, hoping to fit in with those
around me and make the best of a life without acknowledging this little
detail.
In order to accomplish this, to stuff such a
big part of me away, I’ve managed to not feel all of my feelings, not fully
express myself, or own my opinions. You can imagine what the tradeoffs have
been: insecurity, inability to commit to people or to ideas, and of course,
the intense but silent suffering of not fully being my Self. Yes, I managed to
go unconscious, to stay half asleep. I thought I was getting away with it. I
was convinced that I could just know that I’m a walk-in and sort of remote
control my body from my mind and that no one would notice. I thought it didn’t
make much of a difference. I could afford to just stay “in” the galactic
“closet.” Well, something happened recently that made me realize that this
sitting on the fence of mine was dangerous and that not living in my body
could cost me my life.
On a recent Sunday morning I was on the
highway, driving my son to a baseball game, when all of a sudden we heard a
loud “bang!” My son clutched the seat, looking around wildly. Something had
hit us or been thrown into us. We couldn’t see anything at first, but then
this tiny little car came shooting out of nowhere from the right side, angling
away from us first and then arching back into our lane. It was speeding out of
control. “What the hell!” I yelled. My body shot forward, I clutched the
steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. The car hit our rear right
bumper, ricocheting out of control, then turned and headed right at us! My
heart was beating, adrenaline rushed into my head as the hairs on my neck
stood on end. “Is this where I die?” I asked myself. “Oh my God, my son!”
All of a sudden, a strong sense of calm
washed over me, a strange feeling of control. In my mind I pictured myself
cowering and hiding my eyes and just crashing into her and getting it over
with. I desperately wanted to let go of the wheel and pretend this wasn’t
happening. I wanted to jump out of my skin and just not be there at all, but I
was aware that this was only one option. I could see the driver of the other
car spinning her wheel, just like you see in the movies, totally losing
control. She was screaming, her mouth wide open. She was panicking, freaking
out. I could feel her terror.
As I watched her movements, I remember
consciously thinking there was another way out. I imagined death and injury on
one hand, and smooth landing on the other. You know how your brain is when you
are in a jam, going in all directions! I was having an internal conversation.
“Oh God, please get me out of here!” I didn’t want to have to do this, why
can’t this choice be made for me? All this time to watch! Am I about to die?
“Just dance with her car,” the voice in my head said, “pay close attention,
and make a choice, fight for your life or let it go.” From that type of
clarity would come a fleeting panic. “Please!!! I just want to let go of the
wheel and cover my eyes! What happens if I just let go?” Somehow, I hung in
there. I maneuvered carefully to avoid the other car as it was spinning out of
control and heading in my direction. When I thought I could take no more, when
I was almost sure that all my careful strategizing would amount to the same
horrible crash I was trying to avoid, she came to a full stop. Her car bounced
off the pavement right in front of us, like a giant slinky. Silence. I had
stopped a mere six feet in front of her!
I will never forget that scene, watching the
other driver, trying to emerge out of her crushed car, now a heap of
destruction, fluids steaming and spilling everywhere. As I went over to help
her, she extended her hand out to me, and for some reason that picture is
imbedded in my brain. Her hand was light as a bird’s; like paper, no weight to
it. She trembled uncontrollably and clutched me for help. I made note of that
moment. It showed me what it’s like to have no soul substance in your body.
She stumbled out, stood up, and her knees buckled. I caught her and saw her
bloodied face up close for the first time. I was in one piece, barely a
scratch to my vehicle, and this girl was bleeding profusely, her car
completely destroyed. From the shock she started burbling, “I’m sorry, I lost
control, I don’t know what happened... the sun was in my eyes. I didn’t see
you!” This was the first time I thought consciously of my guides. “Ah... this
is big, this must be a lesson!” I immediately felt it, the rush in my body.
This serious destruction outside of me is a wake-up call; this is a message
and I need to pay attention.
So there I am, calmly helping this girl. I’m
so programmed to help other people that in the aftermath of the accident I
left my own son in the vehicle while helping the girl to the side. I know full
well that the largest danger in these types of highway accidents is to those
left in the car. When I realized it, my heart jumped, my stomach sank! I
quickly snapped out of it and I got him out and off to the side. I was trying
not to think about how he could have been hurt if rear-ended.
After just a few minutes, we got out of the
mess and actually made it to the start of the baseball game. When we got
there, my son’s teammates’ parents asked about what had happened since I had
called the coach to let him know of the accident. You know that minimizing way
that people use to avoid serious issues and moments of discomfort? Well, they
were asking about it but dismissing the seriousness of the accident by
focusing on how glad they were that we had made it in time for the game.
That did it! I had been working to hold all
my feelings in and now the floodgates opened! I started crying. I felt
enraged. I went to the car to let it all out. My body was heaving and I was
screaming, overtaken by intense feelings of anger, panic, fear and terror. I
was enraged at how insignificant all of this appeared to the other parents. I
saw that after our hair-raising ordeal their natural reaction and “best
intentions” were to act like nothing had happened, to defocus from the danger
by offering their best unemotional response. Of course, in the wake of such an
event, feeling as alive as I was, this only led to feeling completely uncared
for.
In a flash, I got it. I understood the
message. I realized I myself switch in and out of my body without knowing it,
and that in doing that, I avoid the intensity of true experience.
I saw that this inability to fully feel and
be passionate about life only leads to a lack of commitment that leaves others
feeling empty. In this fleeting moment of passion, after fighting for my life,
I was able to see that this is how I’d been operating. I had considered myself
a caring and committed person, but had, in fact, been on cruise control. I
hadn’t really been feeling for myself or for others.
In that moment I made a decision, I want to
be Here. I want to land! After all these years of thinking I’m dedicated to
service, but now realizing that I have been less than committed, I see that it
has been the same as acting like I don’t care whether I live or die. I have
disrespected my body, I’ve looked for ways to not feel or be responsible to
others, and now it is time I choose to be fully here. When the straw was drawn
and I faced the real possibility of death, I fought for my life. I stayed in
my body and saved my son, myself, and the other driver from certain harm.
This was my wake-up call. I realized that my
guides were creating a contrast of choices. They were helping me see that to
not be in my body is to be out of control, to be disconnected from inner
guidance and from life itself. At its worst; I risk causing destruction to
myself and to others. They were saying, “What you are doing is now dangerous
to you.”
Now as a starseed or walk-in you may not
need to conspire with your guides to co-create a personal situation of this
extreme. I must not have been listening to the subtler messages or the issue
wouldn’t have escalated the way it did. I needed to see that I have been
sitting on the fence all these years, happy to disagree with and complain
about many things, seeing myself as someone who’s here to do something about
the world situation but never quite holding myself to task or thinking that my
own small role was important. I’ve acted like I could get away with not
fulfilling it. I’ve been happy to count on some of the benefits and knowledge
I hold as a walk-in, but not do the hard work of completing the job. That day
I got it, that there was no more benefit, no more value to be gained from
sitting on the sidelines. I made the choice to incarnate here, at this
particular time, and to awaken in stages to my purpose, to my identity and my
mission. I apparently also made the choice to have a good ’ole wake-up call if
I got side-tracked or had trouble realizing the cost of my half-hearted
embrace of who I really am. As a creator being, I realize I’m not a victim in
my life; I co-create events with my guides in order to become aware of my
larger plan.
More than one can do this job
I’ve also come to understand that there are five people for every role.
If I don’t make it, someone else may step in and play my role. That’s always
been a good hook for my guides to get me going on something; all they have to
do is to remind me that someone else can take the job.
As a starseed or walk-in, I have my own unique task to accomplish during this
transition time of ascension for our planet. Though my task is unique, I
realize I’m not the only one who can accomplish it. If I delay or get
side-tracked, or let my fear consume me and keep me from doing what I know I
must, someone else will come and take my place. In fact, the reason that there
are at least five people for every role is to ensure the role gets fulfilled.
The larger task will get done. The planet is
already ascending. Whether I complete my original plan to play out my role or
not will only cost me in the end. I am important to a larger goal that all of
us starseeds and walk-ins are involved in, but the task itself is greater than
the sum of its parts. So if I dilly-dally, someone else may step up and play
my very specific role.
I have already seen other people publish
book ideas or creative projects I had thought of, sometimes even developed,
but which I did not take myself seriously enough to follow through with. The
same applies to getting involved with bringing in the galactic age and being a
part of a movement that is ahead of its time. We can sit around waiting for
someone else to do it, or we can step up to the challenge and overcome our
fears that it’s not real or not worth it. This multidimensional perspective
may be cutting edge right now, but it won’t be much longer. I will have no one
to blame if I sit back and watch the movement pass me by. Sure, then I
wouldn’t have to face my fear of being different. I could spare myself some
embarrassment or social alienation, but I would also be left out of what gives
meaning and purpose to my life.
Being here, in this body, and being a part
of the galactic movement is something that is in my blood. I am passionate
about living, so long as I can live fulfilling my mission. So let’s think this
through. From the higher perspective it is understood that we are here to get
a job done and that we are all co-creating this experience. No one sent you
here on a sacrifice mission. You chose to come here and had a hand in
co-writing and personalizing your contract.
As such, as a starseed or walk-in, you can
name exactly what it is that is calling to you and the risks with which you
currently struggle. Surely you often wonder if you can stand behind them. But
guess what? You have been well trained to do this exact work. You did not
choose to come here without the tools and knowledge you need nor without the
contracts secured amongst your guides to give you the best possibility of
succeeding in your task. You only have to fully seat into your body to
remember it.
Why would you come all the way here, leave
your loved ones, risk getting stuck in the incarnational loop of this planet,
if your mission was not important? Let’s face it, that is the real fear, isn’t
it? The fear of getting stuck here! That we’ll never be able to go home! We’re
terrified because we know the risks in forgetting who we are and where we come
from.
Well, what I’ve learned, in looking at the
fine print of our starseed and walk-in contracts, is that we don’t get to go
back until the job is done. We don’t even get to remember much of home until
we fully embrace our mission. In addition, we don’t really start manifesting
the resources we need, meeting the people that we are to work with, or sensing
the timing of things until we get heart connected with planet Earth and our
bodies. And guess what, the timing is perfect for you to get to work now!
I won’t lie to you, if you choose to follow
through on your contract to do this work you probably will, like me, often
wonder if you’ve lost your mind. You will know true aloneness as you initially
get on your path and all other safety nets fall away in order to get you to
focus on your tasks. You will come to face yourself squarely. Along with the
service work you came to do, you also contracted to do deep emotional clearing
and Soul work. You will meet many challenges and often want to give up.
Remember, there is no better way to
strengthen resolve or character than to find that you have continued through
your own darkness and found within yourself endless wells of light.
As a galactic citizen I know
that these are especially hard times for all of us, a time of particular and
poignant aloneness and difficulty. It’s natural to fear and not want to be
here, but if we understand that our contract says that we must complete our
mission, it might be easier if we recognize that we don’t have to do it alone.
It’s true that our abundance and all our rewards are tied to the successful
completion of that mission, but there is great joy as we move forward. We can
enjoy the task and as we get it done, then we earn our ticket home.
In humble service,
BlueMilk
About the Author:
BlueMilk is a Galactic Counselor who uses her clairsentient skills to
assist individuals in their quest for self-knowledge and healing. BlueMilk is
known for her ease in connecting with people from all walks of life and her
talent for revealing ways out of the current Earth systems. She can assist you
in contacting your Higher Self, your guides and give you galactic perspectives
as you apply the knowledge gained to your everyday life. BlueMilk is bilingual,
offering assistance in both English and Spanish.