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Healing the Wounds of Motherhood

from the October 2003 Star Beacon

Jelaila Starr PART 2

     EDITOR'S NOTE: If you missed Part I of Healing the Wounds of Motherhood, you can read it on the Web site, or request the September issue by writing to The Star Beacon, P.O. Box 117, Paonia, CO 81428.

by Jelaila Starr

The Higher Perspective on abortion
     The Higher Perspective teaches us that when conception occurs, it is because an incoming soul has decided to begin the process of creating a physical body in which to be born. Notice that I said, begin the process. In the case of an abortion, the incoming soul does not intend to enter the Earth plane; he/she only intends to begin the process. Why? In order to fulfill a contract with the soul that would be his/her mother if the conception were to end with the birth of his/her physical form. Not all incoming souls intend to be born. As I explained earlier, many times the contract between the child and the mother involves exchanging roles so that each can experience the feelings associated with either abandonment for the incoming soul or being for self for the mother.

     Abortion contracts are not about karma or paybacks, they are about providing the highest form of service and expression of love for another soul. Remember that what others do to us is a reflection of what we do to our inner children. Abortion contracts teach the incoming soul the lesson of what happens when we abandon our inner child because his/her mother is abandoning him or her. Abortion contracts teach the mother the value of being for self and setting boundaries with intimate partners so that giving up a part of self is no longer required. They also give the mother the opportunity to experience being truly for herself through her decision to say no to the pregnancy ... and being for self is self-love in action - a concept that has been very distorted in our world.

     When I conceived at 19, I was no more prepared to have a child than I was at the age of 10. And furthermore, the boy with whom I conceived was no longer in my life. After having a child at 17 and really stressing the relationship with my parents, I was not willing to risk being thrown out on the streets by going through with the pregnancy. Regardless of whether they would have supported me or not, I knew that I could not go through with that pregnancy. Unlike my pregnancy at age 17, every fiber of my being screamed, "No!" at the thought of giving birth to this child. Back then I could not have explained the difference, but now I can. The contract with this child involved having an abortion. She did not intend to be born - at least not at that time. This was a gift from a soul that I have known for many lifetimes - a gift of learning to take care of me - and I took it. I found this out by learning of the higher perspective and then contacting the soul to inquire as to the nature of our contract. The answer released me from the guilt of aborting that pregnancy. Now I must release myself from the shame and, once I do, this dear soul friend will finally be released from the contract and her service completed.

     The shame can only be released once we understand the belief that forms its foundation; that of "it should be different." Shame is the feeling of worthlessness or uselessness that comes from not being perfect. If we are perfect, then we donít make mistakes, we donít do things wrong. Only those who are perfect have the right to exist. Only those who are perfect have worth and are useful. In my case, this translates into I should have acted differently. I should not have gotten pregnant with that boy. I should have said no to sex and, because I didnít, I am imperfect and therefore useless as a soul and worthless as a human being.

     But the Higher Perspective teaches us that everything has a value and everything is perfect as it is. So, getting pregnant was perfect because I was able to fulfill a contract with another soul, to help her grow and to help myself grow. Getting pregnant was valuable because of the experience and spiritual growth that would come from healing the wound. Right now I get that intellectually. In time I will get it emotionally and when I do, I will finally heal this wound. And to get it emotionally, I only need to ask my guides to assist me by bringing me the experiences necessary for this to take place - and they will, they always do.

The Higher Perspective on adoption

     Adoption contracts are, to me, the most heart-wrenching. I find it difficult to understand why a soul would want to be born to one mother, only to be given up and raised by another. Once again, it is not the case of karma or paybacks, it is simply part of the childís requirements for soul evolution.

     In many of these cases, it is because he/she needs to experience externally what it feels like to be abandoned by the mother as a reflection of how he/she has failed to nurture and protect his/her Inner Child in past incarnations. In this case, it is the mother who gives the gift by being willing to experience the pain of giving up her child and the heartbreak that comes with it. At the age of 17, though I knew I could not give my son the life that he deserved, it did not in any way negate the pain of losing him.

     For years afterward, I carried the guilt of feeling I had abandoned him. It wasnít until I learned of the Higher Perspective and got in touch with his Higher Self that I learned that there was no purpose for my guilt. He had intended to be raised by his adopted parents. Being born through me enabled him to acquire the genes he needed to fulfill his contract. My birthing him enabled me to experience taking care of him by standing up to my parents and demanding that he be placed with a family of mixed race in the North before Iíd sign the adoption papers. I grew from that experience. I learned of the power I had if Iíd only use it. And Joshua got placed in the family for which he was intended. Everything was perfect as it was.

The Higher Perspective on custody changes

     In our society there is an unspoken rule that states that once you have a child you should never give that child up, once you have decided to raise him/her. This is especially true in the case of divorce. Statistics show that most children are raised in the home of their mothers after a divorce. And because of this, there is a negative stigma attached to those women who choose to give up custody once having been given it. I struggled for a long time with my decision to give up residential custody of my seven-year-old daughter to her father before doing it. Just the idea of it filled me with a great sense of failure, shame and worthlessness. With the understanding of the Higher Perspective, I was able to see this in a much more compassionate and loving viewpoint. I learned that a change in custody most often involves a soul contract between the mother and the child, to give the child to the other parent for training that the mother cannot give (of course, this applies to fathers, too.) As explained earlier, souls agree to play roles for other souls that require them to act as perfect mirrors.

     In other words, the role being played by one soul is acted out in such a way as to be a perfect mirror for the soul on the receiving end so that he or she can identify that behavior and belief within him/ herself and take the appropriate steps to clear and balance it.

     At the time that I gave up residential custody of my daughter Danielle, there were three major deciding factors. 1) I intuitively knew that it was the right thing to do, though it made no sense in 3D. 2) I intuitively knew that she needed to live with her father so that he could teach her the things that she could not learn from me - again making no sense at the time. 3) I desperately needed some time off from being the primary caregiver. But even with this knowing, I still felt I was abandoning her, and so I carried the guilt and shame for years. Through the Higher Perspective I was able to confirm the rightness in my decision and came to realize that it was perfect and in the highest good for all concerned. And even now that I know that she has been cutting herself (her way of dealing with the shame of her choice not to be for herself, not to stand up and speak her truth and stay in her integrity), I once again acknowledge the rightness of my decision.

     She will never learn to be strong without someone with whom she must struggle to claim her power - someone who will continue to hold her power until she learns to value it, reclaim it and maintain it. And that must be her perfect mirror. I could not be that mirror, but I could be a mirror to her for standing in her power, being for herself, and speaking her truth regardless of the consequences - because I did it.

The legacy of motherhood wounds

     I have little or no sex life at present, even though I am attracted to my husband, because I no longer feel like a real woman. All that is left of my sexuality, my womanhood, is a great sense of loss, of failure, created by my inability to hold and use my feminine power correctly. What a price to pay for believing in the rule that I have grown up with, that just about every woman in our society has grown up with. When we carry the guilt and shame, those energies, the two lowest frequency energies we can carry, fester in our emotional bodies and thus are reflected in our physical bodies.

     After so many years, they will eventually manifest as physical disease. The most common forms of manifestation are fibroid tumors, uterine and ovarian cancer. The result of too much selflessness is breast cancer - caused by nurturing others at the expense of self. But thatís just the physical manifestations; these energies can also block us energetically and thus psychologically. The most common place that they block us is in our first and second chakras, the chakras we use for grounding, manifesting, creating and sexual desire.

     I have experienced blocks in all those areas. Though I can manifest, I have a hard time manifesting things just as I envisioned them. I have a hard time driving a car now because I cannot stay grounded very well. And my sexual desire is alarmingly absent - and I used to be such a sensual woman! I know that clearing the guilt and shame will bring these things back into balance. I have already experienced that happening from the clearing of the guilt - now I just have to clear the shame.

     To do that I must know in my heart that the motherhood events of my life were played out exactly the way they should have been. I must know that the souls with whom I had the contracts to play these roles were written for me by these very souls who would have been or are now my children, and were played out exactly as scripted. And, as a result, we all now have the opportunity to achieve the highest level of growth. Somehow just writing those last few words gave me a sense of release in my first and second chakras. Amazing how fast things shift when you apply the Higher Perspective!

     So here we are, at the end of this article and if feels like I have lived another chapter in my life through its writing. I feel I am better, more healed and complete because of it. I choose to embrace my right to be for me as a woman and a mother, to honor the contract of an incoming soul regardless of what it entails instead of making choices to appease a society standard that I know will only lead to more pain. The pain of giving up my children whether through abortion, adoption or a custody change will always remain, but I no longer have to carry the guilt and shame, the part for which I have paid a physical price. I can now look back upon these memories and appreciate the roles Iíve played with those souls who would have been my children and the ones who are my children now. I can feel gratitude for the gifts they gave me through our experiences together. I can feel good about my choices.

     In closing, Iíve written this article in the hopes that perhaps just one woman or young girl who reads it might be relieved of or saved from the guilt and shame I have carried, and that millions of women continue to carry, in silent agony each day of our lives. As we have seen, the Higher Perspective gives us a much more balanced view of motherhood, and from its wisdom we can obtain the knowledge that, once applied, will heal the wounds we have suffered. The choice is ours. We owe it to ourselves and to our daughters. If we will choose to embrace a higher, more compassionate and balanced way of mothering, we can begin to break the pattern of shame and guilt for our daughters and the generations of women to come.

     In service,
     Jelaila Starr
     The Nibiruan Council

     For more information on the Higher Perspective, read the 7 Multidimensional Keys of Compassion available in seven individual booklets.

About the Author

     Jelaila Starr, messenger from the Galactic Federationís Nibiruan Council is a gifted channel, teacher, counselor and author of We are the Nibiruans. Through her lectures, workshops, and articles, Jelaila's message of compassion has touched the hearts of people around the globe inspiring hope and understanding.
     As a galactic counselor, Jelaila works with individuals to assist them with emotional clearing, healing relationships, and DNA Recoding. Jelailaís unique approach enables her clients to clearly discover who they are, what they came to do, and how to achieve it. Jelaila can be reached at 816/444-4364. E-mail: - Web site:

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