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from the August 2010 Star Beacon

A Close Call
        

      I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about life and the experience of being human on a cosmic level.
      Recently I had a close call with death. On Father’s Day I went to the emergency room with severe abdominal pain, and a CT scan revealed a cecal volvolus, which means part of my intestines was twisted, causing a dangerous blockage. I ended up having surgery the next morning and part of my colon was removed.
      Although I was somewhat oblivious while this was happening, my boyfriend realized the seriousness of the condition and was at my side, caring and concerned. For five days I was in the hospital, unable to eat or drink anything for three of those days. It was painful and I felt that my physical body — which only a few days before had been fit and in excellent health — was now deteriorating at an alarming rate. The declining weight loss I had been so proud of fell to an alarming 95 lbs., and I could see my hip bones and ribs protruding. The muscle in my thighs and biceps were now hollow caverns of loose skin; even my breasts were deflated.
      Usually I am an active woman, enthused about life and busy with various projects. For a woman well over 50, I enjoyed the energy of a 35-year-old, so I did not like finding myself bedridden and in pain every time I moved. For six more weeks I would need to adhere to a low residue diet (white bread, no fiber, no raw foods). I also was forbidden to lift more than 10 lbs. My six-inch incision was “vocal” if I ignored this mandate.
      Within days after getting home, I experienced severe depression. This probably was caused by the anesthesia and opiate pain meds given to me in the hospital. As soon as I realized this unpleasant side effect, I discarded my pain meds, but continued to suffer from depression and mood swings for three more weeks. This was, in my opinion, much worse than the inability to do things physically like before.
      I have since figured out that the mood swings may also have been the result of the energies we all are feeling as the ascension process quickens. The weekend of July 17-18, for example, was heightened by the “Conscious Convergence,” and I know I — along with many others — felt its effects.
      What is it like to be human on a cosmic level? In order to understand this, we first need to experience what it’s like not to be cosmically aware. We live on a duality planet for a good reason. We are here to remember Who We Really Are.
      While I was bedridden, I picked up Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations With God books, which reside on my headboard. I’d read them many years ago, but felt drawn to reread them now.
How can we understand who we are if we don’t know who we are not?       No wonder we experience negative things in this life.
      God is so easy to talk to, and I needed to hear what He had to say to all of us. In particular, I needed to hear how to make my life right again... through gratitude and through creating every moment of my life with the thoughts that tell the Universe exactly how we expect it to be.
      Lip service in the way of affirmations does not work until we put authentic feeling into it. Stating what it is you want by affirming that it already exists is only going to manifest if you believe it with all your heart.
      We can live out the human experience any way we choose. God does not care. (There is no right or wrong except as we perceive it.)
Living life cosmically simply means seeing more of the total picture. Obviously as humans we can’t “see it all,” but we can strive to climb out of our tunnel vision and take into account that there are others in our world and that there is always a higher purpose in everything we experience in life.
      I came to appreciate the high energy and good health I had taken for granted when I had my brush with near-death. It taught me to slow down, to take some time to smell the roses... and I did appreciate the beautiful red roses Doug brought to my hospital room the second day...
      The CWG books miraculously dissolved my depression. As soon as my attitude changed, so did the outlook on my life. What a gift!
      There are changes ahead for all of us. As much as we prefer to cling to our comfort zones, change is inevitable and it’s important for us to be aware and to meet these changes with compassion and courage — for ourselves as well as for others — and with knowing that this is for the benefit of helping us remember Who We Really Are.
      Be human on every level. Question everything. Take nothing for granted. When the energies affect you, stop and acknowledge them. What you resist will persist.
      Shift happens... but this, too, will pass.

      Order your copy of Ann's latest novel, Rainbow Majesty.

       You can view her articles on Relationship Transition at the Denver Examiner, http://www.examiner.com. Do a search on site for Ann Ulrich Miller.